For Love or Money? An age-old questions and a classic chick flick from the early 90s starring Michael J. Fox. The aptly entitled movie questions should you pursue your career/ambitions/wealth or give it up for the love of your life? It’s a chick flick, I’m sure you can guess the dramatic ending. I believe a horse, the Brooklyn Bridge and a frantic run after a cab all provided the backdrop for a dramatic declaration of love. Or am I confusing this movie with the other 30+ chick flicks based in New York? As a woman on the more realist than romantic end of the spectrum, I’ve often wondered “for love or money?”
Money and love are firmly intertwined, after all, you can’t survive on love alone. Even the proposal, in the American culture, is sealed with a display of wealth. So, how much should we factor money into a relationship? Money is a leading cause of divorce, so I say we should make money a priority well before marriage or domestic partnerships.
The average millennial is in debt, so it’s a safe assumption that the person you’re meeting for drinks, thanks to your OK Cupid profile because you’re too frugal for Match.com, probably has tens of thousands of dollars owed to various lenders. Perhaps you’re bringing $20k or more in debt to the table. Or maybe you’re one of the few who either evaded debt or managed to pay it off quickly. For those out of the red, being legally-yoked with debt is a less than appealing proposal.
There are multiple schools of thought about handling debt and relationships. I believe debt should not only be discussed, but fully disclosed before legal documents make you responsible for someone else’s financial situation. Do I expected an itemized bill of student loans and consumer debt on a first date? No. If I’m years into a relationship and about to get engaged, then it’s prudent and, now my business, to know exactly what financial situation I’d be entering into.
Would I nix a future spouse based on massive debt. Probably not. Would I procrastinate getting married while he worked to lower (or eradicate) his debt. Yes.
Saving vs Spending
Everyone, I repeat, everyone, has a unique relationship with money and how he or she spends, saves, invests or avoids money. I’m a saver and beginning to dabble in investing. The idea of being with an extravagant spender who has access, and a legal right, to my money makes me feel as fuzzy inside as the One Million Moms watching Miley Cyrus twerk.
In this instance, I would absolutely pick for money over for love. Particularly if I started dating a spender who seemed reluctant to tighten up the purse strings, ever. There are some battles not worth fighting the rest of my life.
For Love or Money?
I’m not a total misanthrope. Love is incredibly important in life, but so is financial stability. A relationship needs to have open communication about finances, debt, spending and saving. Well, those are all important if you’re at the point of a legal commitment. If you’re just looking for your next Tinder hook up (creepiest app ever), then don’t worry about the battle between love or money. Unless of course you’re the one always paying for drinks…
[For your entertainment. The trailer for ‘For Love or Money?’]